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Monthly Archives: November 2014

Part of an email correspondence…

That isn’t quite what I am looking for. And while I do seem to have some resentment towards a particular girl, I’m not quite looking for the way out. As I see it, while one is still within whatever it is they are experiencing, they have a great opportunity to bring to words what it is like while you are in the midst of the anger or resentment…in a sense I’m looking to create a history of resentment. In this way resentment can be prevented instead of having to be “cured” after the fact. Actually one of the best paths to overcoming or undergoing a situation or emotion, from my experience, is to turn it into a sort of mission…for example I have given myself the mission of getting to the bottom of relationships, in general, and to attempt to come to see how these “misconceptions” or projections both sexes place on top of each other come to destroy relationship.

The number one thing seems to be ignorance of ourselves, that we project from society and not just from archetypes what we think each other should be and how a relationship should be…How we have defined the word Love for ourselves and of a much too judgmental attitude when it appears someone is not living up to “our” definition of love. Plus women, seem to make the same mistake over and over…they rely on their friends and other people outside of the relationship to make them feel better or stronger in their position. Which I can see why they would want to do this, however, the relationship in question is no longer between her and her man, it is now between her, her friends, and then her man. In this sense she has already switched loyalties and is actually no longer in the same relationship she was with said man. It should always be worked out together. The people involved have to workout their own definitions together. To help clarify I will use a wedding as an example: when the father of the bride hands over his daughter to her soon to be husband…this is a symbolic gesture of handing her from one Order or definition of love and life to another. She is literally being given to another man and taken into his “world” where there will be new or different definitions and rules for conduct. That is of course only the beginning of the new relationship; if it is to become a unique and individual relationship tailored to the two unique people, who will be growing into individuals together, and therefore not subject to the common, narrowed, graspings of relationship held by society, then it will ultimately go through emotional transformation(s).

See, my definition of love is more based on the ability to work through any situation that may arise…for example cheating…just because a woman cheated on me doesn’t necessarily mean I would end the relationship or leave her. If we had already talked about such things and we both decided that it was something that neither of us would do then it is all on her and I can walk away knowing I did nothing really wrong…but that doesn’t mean I would. I understand that sometimes, and even though it will hurt, people can and will get caught or confused and so make the wrong choices. So if she truly was sorry and was or had really learned from the experience then Love demands of me to work through this with her. So, for me, Love doesn’t get in the way, it always wants to save the whole of a person and not limit them to a narrow common pre-judged conception. Which, of course, would only happen when I am insecure and therefore lost in the past and under the influence of misdirected emotion…ie. no longer aware of what really is.

In my personal experience the girl in question would tell me the opposite of what she really seemed to want, that there were other guys, she made a point to bring up a huge coffee cup that had the words “Bigger is better” and while she brought that up she seemed to be examining me to see how I would respond…luckily I was able to express no concern…although in that moment I turned inward and obviously still remember. I wish I could remember more, I will try to, but the question from Nietzsche always comes up…”do women really want to know about themselves?” But if I am remembering properly, from that time, it seems she was trying to hurt me and to test me. This could have been her way of trying to keep me at a distance and to maintain a sort of invulnerability. But those very actions seem to have created a sort of attachment because when I started listening to the things she was saying and started spending time with someone else she seemed to get hurt. And within this confused situation I attempted to get to the bottom of things and wanted to talk through it and wanted her to let me in…and she just wanted to drop it all and seemingly judged the state of our relationship purely emotionally.

Obviously I’m not perfect either; it still remains to be seen what my words and actions were as well. But I don’t think it is wrong for me to want to get to the bottom and to help bring to light the misdeeds of relationship.

Seen narrowly our relationship started with me helping her become more comfortable in a bathing suit and ends with her attacking my self-esteem.

Frankly, I think opening all this up would help both sexes. Particularly so if women will also come forward and bring to light the things we men do…then we could work together. But first we need to become aware of each others positions and the ways we encounter and face fear. And since I am a man I will start with our position:

So as depth Psychology says; we men, to become men, have to heroically separate ourselves from our mother, which also and therefore includes emotions…then we men are obviously kind of like little boys when it comes to going through the process of consciously re-integrating emotion back into ourselves. Which is where we would need your love the most. For we separate ourselves when we are young and so would still be somewhat at a child’s level of awareness of our emotions. Therefore wouldn’t the only thing that would help us be the loving support of a woman? Wouldn’t you then be able to help us with the very thing that seems to be a characteristic of womanhood and femininity? Shouldn’t you women be the ones to help us change? Does not transformation happen through emotion? And, on the other side, do you not like being more grounded and stable when we men help clear things up by shining light upon things that were dark and scary and hidden in shadow…ie. do you not see more clearly now that I have shown you our position and, in a sense, what is being asked of you?

solitudinus and teachers